Previous English skipper Lewis Moody has announced he has been found to have motor neurone disease and admitted he cannot yet confront the full consequences of the muscle-deteriorating condition that took the lives of fellow rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The middle-aged sportsman, who was a member of the 2003 Rugby World Cup-winning side and lifted numerous English and European titles with Leicester, appeared on BBC Breakfast two weeks after finding out he has the disease.
"There's an element of confronting what lies ahead and hesitating to really process that at the minute," he stated.
"It's not that I fail to comprehend where it's going. We comprehend that. But there is definitely a hesitation to look the future in the face for now."
Moody, speaking together with his wife Annie, says rather he feels "calm" as he concentrates on his immediate health, his family and getting ready for when the disease progresses.
"Perhaps that's surprise or perhaps I deal with matters uniquely, and after I have the facts, it's more manageable," he stated further.
First Signs
Moody found out he had MND after noticing some weakness in his shoulder while exercising in the gym.
After rehabilitation failed to improve the issue, a number of scans showed nerves in his central nervous system had been compromised by MND.
"You receive this medical finding of MND and we're appropriately quite emotional about it, but it's quite odd because I feel like nothing's wrong," he continued.
"I don't feel unwell. I don't sense poorly
"My indications are very minor. I have a small amount of muscle deterioration in the fingers and the shoulder region.
"I'm still competent to doing all activities. And hopefully that will carry on for as long as is attainable."
Illness Development
MND can develop swiftly.
According to the non-profit MND Association, the condition takes the lives of a 33% of people within a year and above half within 730 days of identification, as ingestion and inhalation become harder.
Therapy can only delay worsening.
"It isn't ever me that I feel sad for," commented an moved Moody.
"It's about the sadness around having to break the news to my mum - as an sole offspring - and the implications that has for her."
Personal Consequences
Talking from the household with his wife and their family dog by his side, Moody was overwhelmed by emotion when he spoke about telling his sons - 17-year-old Dylan and 15-year-old Ethan - the heartbreaking news, saying: "It was the toughest thing I've ever had to do."
"These are two excellent boys and that was pretty devastating," Moody remarked.
"We sat on the settee in tears, Ethan and Dylan both wrapped up in each other, then the dog leapt across and began cleaning the drops off our faces, which was somewhat silly."
Moody explained the emphasis was remaining in the moment.
"We have no solution and that is why you have to be very militantly focused on just welcoming and appreciating each moment now," he stated.
"As my wife mentioned, we've been truly blessed that the sole decision I made when I retired from playing was to allocate as much duration with the kids as attainable. We don't get those times back."
Player Connection
Elite competitors are unevenly impacted by MND, with studies suggesting the rate of the illness is up to six times higher than in the wider community.
It is thought that by restricting the O2 accessible and creating damage to neural pathways, regular, intense physical activity can initiate the illness in those previously genetically susceptible.
Rugby Career
Moody, who earned 71 England selections and traveled with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was nicknamed 'Mad Dog' during his sports career, in honour of his fearless, unwavering style to the game.
He participated through a bone injury of his leg for a time with Leicester and once initiated a practice scuffle with colleague and friend Martin Johnson when, frustrated, he abandoned a training equipment and started throwing himself into tackles.
After entering as a substitute in the Rugby World Cup championship win over Australia in 2003, he won a ball at the end of the throw-in in the crucial moment of play, creating a platform for half-back Matt Dawson to advance and Jonny Wilkinson to execute the match-winning drop-goal.
Support Community
Moody has previously informed Johnson, who skippered England to that title, and a few other former colleagues about his condition, but the others will be learning his news with the remainder of public.
"We'll have a period when we'll need to rely on their support but, at the minute, just having that sort of care and acceptance that people are available is what's important," he stated.
"The sport is such a wonderful group.
"I mentioned to the kids the other day, I've had an amazing life.
"Even when it ended now, I've valued all of it and welcomed all of it and got to do it with exceptional people.
"When you have the opportunity to consider your enthusiasm your vocation, it's one of the greatest privileges.
"Having accomplished it for so long a duration with the teams that I did it with was a delight. And I understand they will desire to help in every way they can and I anticipate having those conversations."
